Please, I’m fabulous.
Stories of the Amazing Patrick O’Brien: Story #9 The Physics Mage
It was 1666 and I was appointed by God after discovering the truth behind physics. There’s a secret realm far beyond the stars where there are mages of certain elements that govern and control the elements those of which the original Mages of Science had created. One of them was the Mage of Physics and I was to be the one to take the position after the old one died. God wanted me specifically because he didn’t want the mortals on earth to know that it wasn’t just an act of god. The guy was a total asshat and wanted everyone to worship him for some stupid reason. Clearly I wanted to put that smug son of a bitch in his place so luckly I found a bright lad sitting under an apple tree that was contemplating different scientific theories and as Mage of Physics I made one of the apples from the tree fall and hit him on his head to give him an epiphany that of physics. His name Isaac Newtron or something but soon enough everyone started believing in science being involved with physics instead of mombo jumbo god powers. God was so freaking pissed dude. This was the reason why he made me the Mage of Physics in the first place so he decided to kill me and have Isachieo Newptune take my place to get people believing the old shit again. Well I didn’t just lay back and take it up the ass like some boy scout on a field trip. No, I decided to use the power of science to kick the shit out of God. There was Rocks flying everywhere and fire and lightning and whales. It was chaos. Then finally I twisted Gods nipples to oblivion and everyone knows that every gods powers resides in their nipples. With no powers left in him I pushed his sorry ass to earth with the powers of physics. Unfortunately I under estamated my momentum and went with him. Hey, I only said I discovered physics I didn’t say I was good at it. Just like that God died from physics. After all what goes up must come down.
This has been “THE STORIES OF THE AMAZING PATRICK O’BRIEN!” One of the many historical histories yet to come!
Stories of the Amazing Patrick O’Brien: Story #8 The German Time Traveler of Germany!
It was 1945 and I was a nazi solder with a strange fetish for rubbing his own nipples named Alfons Schemilklershitzer. I was told there was an ancient time machine that washed up on the luscious shorse of Berlin and that I was the one to test it. Clearly this was the same time machine from my past life as the destroyer of Atlantis. The Nazis tried their best to recreat it for their cause and in doing so unknowingly modified it. Instead of going through time in physical form you would now be invisable to the naked eye in gohst like form. Hitler himself was there to see what would happen. They told me the exact same thing as the atlantians did before them. Touch and do nothing for this is nothing more then a test but alas how could I resest? I mean how many times to get a chance to time travle right?! First I went back in time to visit Queen Elizabith and prentended to be the voive of God. Hahaha, that was priceless! You should have seen how pissed she was when I stopped talking. After that fun I soon realized that I could also take control of not only people but also objects. Lots of crap was done. I went to Halifax and took control of a ship, crashed it into another ship just for fun and to my suprise the damn thing exploded! Huge explosion. I still don’t like ridding on boats after that. I also went to the future and took a shit some kids pants named Raymond Levesque. Then I went back in time to the dinosours and took control of a meteor and crashed it to earth and finaly I decided to see what would happen if I went to present time. It turns out when I did the machine fucked up and imploded sucking everyone in it including Hitler. Yeah thats right, I killed Hitler with the same machine I used to put him in power big woop.
This has been “THE STORIES OF THE AMAZING PATRICK O’BRIEN!” One of the many horrors yet to come!
